I was in a psychotic episode after having been forced to go to an AA meeting so this means i had to drive in psychotic episode to this meeting. i was stressed out with the driving conditions since there was severe rain and flooding on the streets. After the meeting I drove to my usual parking spot on the 6th floor of the parking garage contemplating ending my life. I called my mom and spoke with her for about 25 minutes about death and how much I hate life and want to end it so badly. She said that she would miss me so much and that it would kill her but I told her she has my two older sisters so she can replace me with them like I think she has. Then I called the on call counselor and spoke for about an additional 30 minutes and she wanted to take me to the ER but I refuse to go back into the hospital for the 8th time and undergo shock treatments. I hate the hospitals here. The nurses don’t care about you and refuse to let you make phone calls. They doll out prescriptions for bedtime at a very late time then wake you up before the cock crows.
So. I decided to call my psychiatrist’s hotline which goes through the hospital and the receptionist was unbelievably rude whilst I was hysterically crying trying to get ahold of him. She stated that she called him but when I went to see him the next day it turns out she didn’t. So I decide to swing on leg over the edge and sit there for a while trying to force myself off the ledge but it didn’t happen. So I called the OCC again and told her about not reaching the doctor so she said to come in the next day before I saw him to talk.
Thursday
I went in and met with the counselor. I told her what I did with attempting suicide and she cheered me up even though insisting on me going to the hospital. We also told my doctor who wanted me hospitalized but I made a promise to my personal safety. Turns out my rapid cycling is a reason of all this in addition to my severe insomnia. i’m awaiting a prescription that has to be sent directly by the manufacturer as it is a highly controlled substance so here I wait and now it’s Saturday.
This week has been hellish but you know what? I went to my Chiropractor for the second time this week and he helped me feel better and I went to Shabot today and I felt way better.
Hopefully this coming week will be way better than the past three.
mydysfunctionalbipolarlife 